After reuniting with dad and didi (sister in law) at the airport, we drove home and immediately freshened up. We hurried, freshened up and dressed in our best and drove a short drive to a wedding!
Gosh, Kerala weddings are short! By the time we got there, we already missed the thali tying. When we arrived, all the guests began to line up at the stage and began taking their turns as members of families to stand with the bride and groom for photos. I guess in this way, by marrying in US, Krishna and I missed this fun part!
I don’t have a lot of experience attending Kerala weddings, except the one I attended for my own marriage. I do have experience attending Tamil Hindu weddings, and so I found the Kerala wedding reception very simple, straight forward, semi-formal and short as compared to the Tamil varieties I have attended.
Firstly, I was surprised that there was very few people dressed formally and fancy. My experience in attending Tamil weddings was that if you should never come in a synthetic sari, and if did not come in a silk sari or a fancy silk salvaar kamiz or some silk dress or very fancy dress (female or male), you looked out of place. In this wedding, it seemed opposite. Coming in a silk dress you may appear overdressed as compared to the bride! I did not see a lot of women in Kerala saris,* but I did see few in silk saris, few in silk blend or cotton, some in salvaar kamiz, some in synthetic saris, and the younger girls in pavaada davani (skirt and top), and men in slacks and shirts or dhoti and shirt. The jewelry worn by women was also simple and not flashy or thick. The other thing that surprised me is usually in walking on stage to greet the newly married couple; I was used to seeing people remove their shoes. In this wedding, this was not needed. No one was doing that. I heard the reason why was there was no picture of god or idol of god on the stage. If this was the case, then shoes needed to be removed. However, in other circles, I have also heard that even if there is no photo or idol of god, shoes are removed because the newly married couple should be treated with same respect as God- so shoes are to be removed. I also found out later, this marriage hall was remodeled from a movie theatre. This explained the massive old-fashioned curtain hanging on the stage. It seems old Kerala movie theatres had covered their screens with these thick curtains, opening them to watch the movie, and closing them for intermission and movie’s end.
Of course the other difference about the wedding is the food! People were saying in the old days, wedding guests would not eat until the bride and groom ate first. However, in the fast paced culture of today, things have changed. No one wants to wait for the 500-1000 guests waiting in line to finish their greetings, good wishes and photos sessions with bride and groom to eat. The guests start going in batches of about 30-40 after that many greet and stand in photos with the bride and groom
I must let you know that if you have never attended a wedding in India that there is quite a bit of difference in how food is served. You could say it is buffet style, but the food is bought to you! The waiters line tables with plastic covers and put banana leaves on them. It then is like an assembly line. The waiters serve food from buckets on to your banana leaf. Spoons are not provided; neither is soap or towels to dry your hands at most of these venues. Food is also lined up on each banana leaf in a certain order by type of food. Often sweets go first. Also, you may notice a small pile of salt is placed on the leaf. Salt and pepper shakers are not on tables. Since food is already spicy, extra pepper is not required, but salt may be- especially to add to the yogurt (curd) or buttermilk. Depending on the region you are in, the food items will also vary. Here in this Kerala wedding, 14 items were served on the leaf- payasam (rice pudding), 3 kinds of spicy pickles, red rice, sambar, racam, curd, avial (mixed vegetables in coconut milk), dhal, coconut chutney, pappad (chips), potato stew (isthu), thoran (a dry vegetable curry with ground coconut). The last item is dahashamani- warmed herbal Ayurvedic water (this is safe for anyone to drink as it must be boiled to prepare). It is noted in Kerala water is rarely served plain- some herbal mixes are boiled into it. This, usually tasteless drink refreshes the body, as the herbal mixture provides cooling to the body.
The last difference I could notice was the interactions between people. To me, though I don’t understand the language, the non verbals seemed much more informal than what I have seen in Tamil weddings. In Tamil weddings people who enter the wedding are greeted by someone who sprinkles water on them and give kumkum haldi. I did not notice that for this wedding. Also, in Tamil weddings, I noticed younger people touching the feet of elders for respect and to say ‘hi’. I did not see this in this wedding, though it may have happened before we entered. Also, in Tamil weddings, I noticed that the bridegroom’s family presents a small present to people attending the wedding. I have, for instance, received saris as gifts at weddings. I did not see this happening at this wedding.
Overall, I enjoyed the experience of this wedding. I had something to compare it to and it was different, but it was nice and simble (In Kerala simple is pronounced as simble with a b!)..
* Kerala saris are either a one piece with gold or colored border or a set-mundu or two piece with gold or colored borders. I am wearing a set-mundu two piece sari to the right. That is my wedding photo, I am wearing my wedding dress!
** Banana leaves and eating with hands are not as widely seen in North Indian weddings.
** When I refer to comparing Tamil weddings, I also refer to few Telugu weddings I have attended.
Part 4 in Series: Kerala 2007
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