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Written by: Jennifer Kumar, LMSW, Cultural Adjustment Coach/Mentor
Wednesday, March 05, 2008

The inability to control our thoughts can lead to many challenges and problems in life. Earlier in a post titled Is it Time to Turn The Channel I touched on this subject. In today’s post, I want to explore this topic deeper. I want to explore what happens when we are so overcome with unproductive or dramatic thoughts that it adversely affects our lives and the lives of others close to us.

biker.jpgBack in 2000, the Hindu Newspaper in Chennai published a tragic love story that has left an impression on me to this day. The story was of a couple who met with a fatal motorcycle accident on their way to a romantic outing.

It was told that this couple, in their late 20s had fell in love a number of years ago. Due to their cultural backgrounds prohibiting dating before marriage, both the boy and girl did not want to upset their plans for them and their family structure, so they each married prospective partners chosen by their families.

However, after marriage both the boy and girl could not forget their love for each other. What did not make it any easier was the fact they worked in the same office day in and day out.

Since neither the boy or girl’s family knew about their previous love affair, and the power of their thoughts proved to be too strong and physical proximity was also close, they continued their love affair after their marriages. One may wonder how they could spend time together in the confines of their new extended families. Both worked in the same office and told their families they had to work on Saturdays. Working on Saturdays in India in many offices is not uncommon, so no one questioned this.

 

So, Saturdays became the day to live out their love fantasies. This was a dangerous fantasy as it justified lying to both their families and themselves. Weekly, rather than go to office, they planned to leave town by motorbike thinking this would be yet another way they would not be seen by others, yet spend time together without hurting anyone. Or so they thought.

No one can predict the unthinkable- which eventually happened. Their secrets and thoughts were revealed in a most devastating way. A romantic trip planned ended in death, not only for them in the physical world, but death of a truth the rest of their families believed in.

When I first read this story and the thought of it today bring different lessons. Back then, the lesson was to be truthful and don’t be an actor unless your paid by a studio to do so. Now, that same lesson applies- but differently. Today this story is a powerful portrayal of the amazing and far-reaching power of thought. These two people were in physical proximity day in and day out which facilitated their rendevouz. However, it was the power of their thoughts that allowed this to happen. And, how did the power of their thoughts affect their parents and their spouses and any children born of these unions, their extended family and their friends? We may think that because we don’t tell people what we’re thinking, they can’t feel a difference in our mood or actions. I think we all can feel others thoughts, though tuning into the exact thought is difficult, tuning into the feeling behind the though could be easier.

This also comes out in our behavior. In the case of these two lovers, there are many scenerios that could have demonstrated this. For instance, the lovers may not have performed their respective husbandly or wifely duties to her husband fully out of regret or fear or shame of what could have been with her lover or the fact she was cheating.

The other powerful lesson for me is there are plenty of people because of certain circumstances, we have to leave behind (or they leave us behind) in life. It’s sad to loose close and dear ones, no doubt in that. But, rather then mourn forever and chase them physically or mentally through our thoughts and unfullfilled dreams, make due and make wonderful what is really present in your life. Enjoy what you have fully without regret of the past. And, sometimes tapping into past regrets in the present can cause fatal outcomes.

Related Posts/Sites: Is it Time to Turn The Channel  |  Photo courtesy Krishna Kumar

 

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Copyright ©2008 Jennifer Jayanthi Kumar

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