continued from part 1 Exploring Female Stereotypes
Opposite to the perceived sexual freedom American women can experience, including, as television advertisements tell us, women’s freedom to do anything, including swimming during their period, I experienced another view of life during my stay in India. Mohi is right, when a girl/women has her period, everyone comes to know. Where I was in India, many girls used this an a good reason to take a much needed rest. This was an self-elected seclusion. However, I had a much different and, I must say, extraordinary opportunity of seclusion during my period. Why do I call it extraordinary? Yes, it was difficult. I had read about it in books and heard about it from friends in US before going, but experiencing it in real life was different! The first time I was secluded and given food on different plates and required to eat separately and not even enter the room of the other ‘family members’, I cried all day. Why should I be secluded just because of a god-given condition? But then I also saw other women being secluded and their husbands and families taking up their work for that week. Possibly this tradition started to help women! Being a housewife is not like being employeed and getting a paycheck. In companies, you can request leave and you usually get one day a week off anyhow! But being a wife and a mother, you never get a holiday. Back in the olden days, when extended families lived in the same house/compound, many women were available to do household work. So, if one had her period, this was a good time to have a natural break. Also, the seclusion most likely came from hygiene concerns in the past. Possibly these traditions formed for practical reasons, but as extended families broke up into nuclear families and there were less women in one house to do the work, some families gave up this tradition, or some modified it (ex. The husband doing the wife’s chores for that week.). But since there are less people and the tradition continues, some have questioned it, and I am not against that, but I am all for being able to take a break once in a while!
I want to explore one more tradition/stereotype- that of the women being in the house and not working outside. This is a stereotype that has been broken in both US and India. Now-a-days women in both cultures work outside the house. However, both American and Indian women still are expected to do the household chores, care for kids and other household needs in addition to having a paying job. In this, I’d like to explore some traditions that could be broken, or we can learn from each other’s cultures. Generally in American cultures, dowry has been eliminated. Not so much in Indian cultures. I believe dowry started because women were not earning members. Due to this, the girl’s family offered some financial compensation. Now-a-days women earn just as much, if not more than their prospective grooms. So, for people in these situations, dowry is not needed anymore. If the girl is not earning, than I believe a dowry could be suitable within the means of the situation. However, if the girl is earning, let this be the dowry. I think this is one thing Indian culture can learn from American culture. What can Americans learn from Indian culture? Well, yes there is still a thought in Indian families that it is best to have mom stay home and take care of kids and home. Some families look down up on the women being out of the home, earning. This happens not to keep the women shackled to the home (Though maybe it could happen this way.), but without mom being home, the home and kids can not be guided properly. The family will loose its roots without someone at home. In such families, part of the culture is that there is only one key to the home. If mom leaves she takes the key, if the door is open, mom is home. Also, in many of these homes, mom not only keeps the key to the door, but also the key to the safety deposit box. Mom is the financial planner for the family! Husbands hand their paychecks to their wife and she budgets all funds. This is in direct opposite to my experience in American culture. The wife stays home, yes to care for kids, but this is to keep the wife from interacting with neighbors, friends and anyone. The husband earns, keeping all money with him and giving it out to his wife as he sees fit even if the household needs something, the wife has to bug the husband for money to buy it. I think this situation has changed to some extent since I have grown up. However, American families who still follow that equation can learn from the Indian situation. What I learned from the Indian situation is just because the woman stays at home, doesn’t mean she is a prisoner of the house. She is a fully participating member of the family, taking care of all things within the home. And, I have to say, looking at it this way, the women have more responsibility than the men!
In sum, I believe it is time for people of all cultures, races, religions, and backgrounds to have frank and open discussions about stereotypes and expected roles. Also, it is time for people to begin to look at these issues from a critical perspective, not taking them personally. It is time to look at yourself and see how you as an individual propagate stereotypes and roles, and if your thoughts and behaviors help you, your family, your community and society prosper and move forward. It is ok to admit to faulty behaviors and thoughts- and to identify ways to overcome them! If we don’t do this, we live in denial of reality and stay stuck in our own stereotypes which can be a hindrance to true social progress!
Continued from April 23, 2007 posting.